If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
