Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
