I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
