WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
