Porn is love you can see.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
