Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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