No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
