you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
