you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
