that's an acceptable place to lick
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize