i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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