Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
