if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
