that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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