Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
