i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
handjob tips. give me some.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
