I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
