Will you blow on my dice?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
