She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
