Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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