TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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