2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
