sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
