There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
