Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
