he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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