I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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