please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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