found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
