I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
