somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and she was petting her beer can
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
