As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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