why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
