Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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