this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
