FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
