i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
