who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
