I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
