glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
