The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
