You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
