pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
