So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize