What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
