Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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