Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
