I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
