Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
