i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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