Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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