Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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