I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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