Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
