my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
