Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
