Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found your dick twin last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
