I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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