Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
