Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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