we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
