ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
