ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
