He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize