Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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