I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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