Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
